"The Long Good-Bye" refers to dementia. Alzheimer's. Used to be called senility. There are so many different forms of it, and the path is arduous. It's said that we (every one of us), knows someone close to them that has, will have, or has died from dementia.
My mom went that way. As with most of them, the actual end comes about through starvation and/or dehydration, as they lose the ability to eat or drink.
Just heard a commercial on TV this morning that said there's someone right now with dementia that won't die from it, i.e. a cure is in the offing.
The last two weeks here in Minnesota, this hit the news: a husband with early dementia and his disabled wife, who HE cared for, went for a drive and died. Click link to read the story.
Ron and Mary Tarnowski
A U.S. Border Patrol helicopter found the couple’s Chevy Tahoe on an overgrown, abandoned driveway in a swampy area off the road just two miles away from the family’s hunting property. They were near Brookston, a town about 30 miles from their Duluth home.
Mary’s Tarnowski’s body was discovered inside the Tahoe, and her husband’s body was found outside of the vehicle, about 50 feet from the road.
Authorities believe Ron Tarnowski may have driven onto the trail accidentally before getting his car stuck in the mud, said Lt. Mike Ceynowa, public information officer for the Duluth Police Department. He said police think Tarnowski left the vehicle in order to seek help.
Autopsy results are still pending, but Karl Tarnowski said there are signs that his mother died of a combination of dehydration and heat while sitting in the car on a day with temperatures in the upper 80s. There is also evidence that Ron Tarnowski had fallen down while trudging through the mud, his son said.
So tragic for this family. They had YEARS left with those two, dementia takes a long time. And I'm told most of that time can be good, although it wasn't with my mom. She had the worst kind, with anger, hallucinations, personality degradation.
And my mom could easily have gotten into trouble this way had we not been successful in taking away her car. We were warned to be careful here, as the phrase "senior abuse" is a possible accusation. My mom had passed the point in her disease path where she could cooperate with getting diagnosed and a care plan put in pace. It's got a name, Anosognosia, here's a link that describes it: Link. We eventually convinced her that her beloved grandson's car was terminal and she let him "borrow" hers. Within a few weeks, she forgot about it.
It's a tough call in the early stage of dementia. I do not fault the Tarnowski family one iota, and hope they don't read this as I know I'd feel worse than I already did. If I hadn't gotten support from the Alzheimer's Association, I wouldn't have been able to do it either. The person seems fine, capable most of the time. And it's so heartbreaking to contemplate loss of independence and mobility. Easy to put off.
Do it anyway. For their sake alone. Here's a link that says how to go about it: Dementia and Driving
And join this site: Caregiver's Forum
Those people saved me. They've seen it all, been through it, learned by trial and error, and helped immeasurably. They are angels.
