Dear Prudence

OCD or Just Cautious?

It's become routine lately for friends and family to label me "OCD", and I haven't disputed that label. Until today. I googled the term, and I do not have that.

At first I bought into one or two of OCD's related disorders: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder was looking apt except for the obsessive cleaning part, moral black-and-white part, and hoarding. I only hoard shoes. General Anxiety Disorder? Maybe re: spiders and scorpions, but that's just a common phobia that tons of people have.

Tarantula on the futon

The reasons my friends and family call me OCD doubtless are due to my long-standing pessimistic nature and need to avoid or pre-manage undesirable outcomes. A whole lot of nasty bad shit has happened to me in my life, and I believe pessimism is called for. Someone very close to me is fond of quoting "The Five P's" (Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance) but incongruously calls me OCD and ridicules me for it. I think those five P's is nearly exactly what it is I do.

Is my glass half-empty? You're damn right it is, because checking for that in a timely manner avoids running out of gin. Or Pepsodent, or propane. (I did worry when I saw 4 tubes of Pepsodent in the bathroom drawer, but then remembered happily finding them at a Dollar Tree one day. WalMart quit carrying it.)

I also believe my pessimism looks much more dire when in close contact with those around me: free-spirited hippie types, What-Me-Worry?-ers, two or three with ADD, and Maynard G. Krebbs himself.

OCD Symptoms (examples)

• Fears re: contamination (germs, dirt). Are you kidding me? I don't even do the dishes til I run out of something, AND I'm a smoker and I have two cats and a dog that sleep with me.
• Fear of impulsively becoming violent. No, although I'm becoming more successful at venting...
• Fear of harming others through negligence. No
• Perfectionism. And this also relates to hoarders, it seems. I've lately come to accept, even embrace my flaws. I do have a need to leave the gas pump on an even number, though...
• Religious obsessions. Not hardly.
• Repetition. No. But I've always done this one thing that I've never confessed to anyone before. I finger-write. Example, I see a billboard while driving. I'll then be unconsciously forming the letters against my thigh or car seat "I-n-t-e-r-e-s-t F-r-e-e", probably for miles. I googled that and nothing came up.

I'm cautious. Prudent. Wary. Suspicious and mistrustful of proven or potential pitfalls. I am NOT eager to let the chips fall where they may, or Que Sera. If I can control (to some extent) my forward path, I'm going to do it. My trust must be earned. I will check.