It's just the two of us, so our pets are a big focus in our lives. Feeding, exercising, cleaning up after, checking on their whereabouts, and giving them love all contribute to our measuring of contentment. When Ella got sick, it was rough. Hearing the "C" diagnosis, and making the decision to euthanize her was a white-hot stab in the heart. And the actual procedure, ensuing drive home, and burial were absolute nightmares. But the worst was yet to come: living without Ella.
It's still early days, and I look for her 50 times a day. After realizing I had ZERO printed photographs of her, I remedied that and immediately felt a small burden lift. I added solar lights next to her grave, and felt another small burden lift. I'm compelled to stand at her grave and stroke the ironwood, talking to her. And it helps, a little. So does rum. And I hope nobody's watching.
The first two days, I hated coming home because Ella wasn't there. Then, somehow, it shifted, and now I hate to leave because Ella's here. Don't know how I'll be able to bear leaving here for Minnesota in the spring. Maybe I'll set up a web cam...
I realize there are "non-pet" people who may read this and think "Oy!" but this is my reality. I think some of them may BE non-pet people because they once had to endure this, and I sure get THAT. No more pets for me.
Test.
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